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 Taking
Refuge
By
Sarahjoy Marsh
"Life comes through us in sound and movement, in silence and stillness, in majesty and vulnerability. Its possibility of expression unbounded."
Today
I had my first singing lesson! It was a joy to match the pitch
of my teacher’s deep, melodic voice. It was also terrifying
to open my mouth wide, though there was a thrill in letting go.
Letting go my well trained embochure from 10 years of playing
the trumpet, not to mention my 32 years of socially well-received
facial expressions: the smile, the laugh, the wink of recognition,
the serene face of a meditation student, the contemplative expression
of one who is considering her life deeply!
Each
time he sung the pitch and asked me to open my mouth wider, I
felt the smirk of embarrassment and the laughter of being seen
in my vulnerability. My lips draw easily into a smile, whether
I am happy, embarrassed, bashful, enthusiastic or even angry.
I tend to unconsciously make the facial expression that best suits
the person I am with, not wanting to rock the boat! That boat
might be anything—our connection, their perception of me,
their uneasiness with something I’ve said, you name it. And
yet, I’ve noticed that running on this habit makes life get
smaller and smaller.
Each
time I reached into a new pitch with the skillful guidance of
my teacher, I could feel my throat opening to deeper possibilities
of expression. Just as with every sun salutation, where my body
cycles through new inner horizons, each stretch of my voice encouraged
a wider exchange with life. Some mornings my sun salutation is
prayerful, others more celebratory, some slightly mournful, but
each one a road to homecoming. “I am singing the cold rain,
I am singing the winter’s dawn, I am turning in the grey,
cold morning of my life, toward home, always toward home.”
There is no limit to this expression, and none more appropriate
than another. When I take in the glory of nature, the thing that
impresses me the most is the sheer authentic and intricate manifestation
of each leaf, not trying to be a flower, but enjoying its utter
leaf-ness. Why spend time trying to fit in?
Life
comes through us in sound and movement, in silence and stillness,
in majesty and vulnerability. Its possibility of expression unbounded.
Opening to the full resonance available to my voice in those moments,
I tasted the majesty and fullness of life’s expression. Short
lived, perhaps, because my breath only holds out for so long,
but powerful, and yet, impersonal. I did not have the sense that
I was creating this song, but rather that I was enjoying being
used as the instrument of song.
When
I come to realize that all of life’s expressions, not just
around me, but through me, as me, have a momentum and a permission
that is neither driven by nor granted by me, I get to see the
birth, the song and the death of that expression in the larger
context of life. I see that any expression is possible. I am not
bound by this personality, nor that social structure. Being myself
becomes the greatest blast I could ever have, for there is freedom
and spaciousness as I open to limitless expressions. It also becomes
the most silent and still experience of life as I watch the bursting
forth of spring and the retiring of a moon waning, and realize
that what drives the flowers to bloom and the planets to revolve,
is the same majesty that breaks into my spontaneous laughter or
poignant tears of intimacy.
- “For
sixty years I have been forgetful, every minute, but not for
a second has this flowing toward me stopped or slowed. Today
I recognize that I am the guest the mystics talk about. I play
this living music for my host. Everything today is for the host.”
—Rumi
When
I practice yoga, as well as when I teach, I come to see each pose,
every gesture that we make, as an expression of “this which
flows toward us”. When we open fully to this “flow”
and allow our physical expressions to be guided by that, we find
ourselves coming naturally into alignment with our hearts and
the pulse of life. Each yoga pose, like each note on the scale
that I sang today, opens a new avenue in the body’s expression,
and ultimately, a new landscape for which the heart may sing its
gratitude.
May
all beings open to the limitless, in their voices, in their bodies,
in their hearts. May this bring reverence, appreciation, silence
and stillness.
Sarahjoy
Marsh is a founder of The Sanctuary, A Center for Yoga, Dharma
and Healing Arts. She is dedicated to the heart’s awakening
through yoga and meditation. She can be reached at 503-552-9642
(552-YOGA).
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