JoyRide - Honoring the Goddess by Brock Noyes
Becoming a world-class dancer in the Ballroom of Love is a universal goal, but the Joyride that elevates Eros to ecstasy requires rising above the common denominator of a sex manual. For this purpose, Joyride demands the evolution of the dancers, and necessitates we bring honor and magic to the pageant.
This became unavoidably clear to me in the course of my own dance with the highest thrill experience. Things really began to shift when I finally realized a woman was not something to be conquered, but a person to co-evolve with. This awakening took sexuality to a higher, more joyful level than I ever imagined possible. Honoring and enabling a woman to fully flower brings healing light to all involved, thus enabling sexuality to blossom in the most erotic and strikingly beautiful ways.
Let’s face it. We are all going to have sex whether it’s good or bad, so there is certainly no harm (and every good reason) to elevate the competency of it — no one wants a car that won’t start, stalls out, or burns rubber all over the highway. But if you truly aspire to be an artist as opposed to a paint-by-numbers mechanic, you will need to embrace the holistic well-being of Joyride. It is my essential premise that the celebration of women is necessary to truly elevate the ballet into multiple curtain calls.
The reader would make an irrational mistake to dismiss the premise of this article — that great sexuality necessitates the honor of women — as New Age psychobabble from an effeminately inclined man. Au contraire, the author is classic alpha male, holds a black belt in Tae Kwon Do, and is not immune to those biological surges so common in men that short-out the synapses of reason, thus leading us to parody a rooster overlooking the hens. Yet with all that, my life experience leads inevitably to the above premise.
By honoring women, I am by no means suggesting a reduction of masculinity — that is usually the last thing a woman wants. Rather I am advocating a re-definition of masculinity away from the errant chauvinism that ridicules intelligence, and towards the cross-gender cooperation that creates profound communication between lovers.
Carl Jung makes the point that original sin is unconsciousness, and that this inevitably manifests as a separation from God or love. This is most true in the relationship between the genders. Numerically speaking, nowhere in the history of humanity has unconsciousness been more profoundly embedded than in men’s relationship to women. The greatest crime in human history has not been based upon race or religion, it has been branded on gender. This may not be what you want to hear, but the facts speak for themselves. For instance, at the Brooklyn Museum of Art there is a sign that addresses the witch burnings of the Middle Ages; it reads as follows; “According to male scholars, no more than 300,000 were exterminated. Contemporary female scholars, however, are beginning to suspect that between six and nine million were killed. The exact number is difficult to determine because few records were kept, but those that do exist are harrowing.” This surreal persecution of the female runs rampant even into the 21st century. The NY Times reports that in China and India, “the spread of ultrasound technology, which can inform parents of the sex of their fetus, has turned a pool of missing girls into an ocean.” The article continues with the mind-boggling statistic that, “more girls and women are now missing on the planet, precisely because they are females, than men were killed on the battlefield in all the wars of the 20th century.” What rational explanation is there that can explain or make sense out of wanting only boys for babies? Meanwhile, bride burning continues with staggering regularity in Hindu India, clitoral circumcision remains prevalent in many Islamic cultures, and women are marginalized in Christianity. What can be more disenfranchising to women than the myth of Virgin Birth? Even Buddhism, anecdotally the safest place for single women to travel, has a hardwired patriarchal hierarchy that implies chauvinism. Raise your hand if you have ever heard of the Dolly Lama.
If you’re thinking, I thought this article was an exploration of high sexuality — so why highlight relationship priorities, or the historical subjugation of women, be patient. Although it’s not nearly as scintillating or as erotic as Blue Ray, learning how to honor the goddess is a necessary prerequisite to enter the realm of Joyride.
Sexuality can trip into bliss, but for that to become the high norm requires that a woman be honored by her lover. I can remember traveling in Morocco and watching a man riding his donkey into town. Behind him followed a woman, presumably his wife, who was laden down with all the baggage (literally and metaphorically I am sure) that they were bringing to market. That man did not want a Goddess, he wanted a servant. Without wanting to assume the mantle of cross-cultural superiority, I think it’s safe to say at the end of the day that woman was probably not thrilled to lay down with that man. More likely, she would have preferred to ride the donkey — or maybe give that man a good beating!
To make the Joyride to the summit possible, we need to have a clearer understanding of how to negotiate the climb. The Love Canal Thrill Ride is riddled with dead ends, potholes and total wrecks that even the Jaws of Life cannot untangle. Nature, whose number one priority is the propagation of the species, doesn’t provide travel insurance for those of us cruising love’s highway. Thus, inevitably, when there are collisions, the casualties are frequently our relationships.
Human beings aren’t the only ones on this perilous road of a biological imperative; after all, salmon spawn and then die, the black widow spider kills her mate, it’s a crazy world out there. In the case of human beings, nature has “condemned” men in particular to be constantly in heat. This leaves us males on a 24 hour alert to send our scouts out in a frenzied swim for the Holy Grail. Nature is taking no chance in its imperative to get us soldiers to shoot, and clearly there is not much call for a book on how to help men have an orgasm. But that doesn’t mean that we men must continue to be condemned to cluelessness when it comes to meeting the emotional and sexual needs of our partners. It is time for men to understand and celebrate the Goddess while both parties honor the differences that make the fire dance so incendiary.
Angels can fly if you don’t clip their wings or bind their feet. Men should not be threatened by the power and responsiveness of women, we should promote it. If you truly please a woman, that light will bathe you in grace, and that’s what makes sexuality truly ecstatic. If you want a Goddess in your bed, you have to honor her.
Brock Noyes is a founder of Stumptown Realty in Portland, and teaches yoga at Breitenbush Hot Springs. He is in the final edit of his book Joyride, and is seeking a publisher. His second book, Somatic Zen, the art of self healing, is in the wings.